Never felt like this before

Life is filled with emotions.
Today, I felt a new emotion that I've not felt before, not for the past 24 years of my life.
The intense waiting, the numerous "sighs", the lost of appetite to eat, the nervousness.....
I can't stop checking my mail and staring at my phone just to see whether I miss a call.
So not Amy Tan today.
Someone who don't bother picking up calls or replying text, today she kept checking her phone.
Someone who don't log into her mail and always has her mailbox flooded, today she's checking her mail every 15 minutes.
This feeling of insecurity, thinking that she will soon face rejection because she is not good enough.


Rejection is not a good feeling.
But...
Sometimes, somethings are best to surrender to God.
As long as I've given my best, there's nothing more that I can do about it.


Father, not mine but your will be done.
I'll go to where you'll lead me.
I've told you my dreams, my heart and my desire.
At the end of the day, you are still the composer of my life.





To you I surrender.